View Full Version : Story of a lost mafia member

11-06-2011, 09:44 PM
Please be gentle i haven't had time to run threw it and fix some of the problems

I awoke in a dark room and the only thing i could hear was the humming sound of a generator. As i tried to speak i noticed that my mouth had been covered with duct tape. I noticed that my hands where no longer facing my front but, they where tied behind my back. I tried to recall the night before but just couldn't. Had i lost it? Was this a dream? If so when would i wake up? I knew it couldn't be a dream tho, i mean they say in a dream you couldn't feel pain right? Well if that was the case, i knew it wasn't a dream. The pain in my wrist where so bad it would almost bring tears to my eyes.

I sat there in the seat for what i thought was a few hours trying to figure out how long i had been here. if i had been here for more then a few days someone i knew had to reported me missing right? If so would they find me? For some reason i had a feeling they wouldn't, whoever had taken me didn't just do it out of the spur of a moment, it had too of been timed and well done or else they would of been caught. I mean i'am one of the richest people on earth.

As my head began to hang i heard the slightest sound's of foot steps and maybe a sound of one or two persons who where talking. As i tried to hold my breath to listhen too the conversation it was of no use, they where too far away and there was something blocking my hearing.. As i sat in silence once again i awaited for the person who kidnapped me to enter the room.

Sure enough within a few moments i heard the door on the far side of the room open and a light that i could barley see threw the fabric shinned in. At this moment all i could see was a faint outline of a man/women standing still. By guess i would have to say it was a man, just from the out line the person looked a little on the heavy side and the breathing was abnormal, it was all most as if this person had been doing some heavy lifting or something strainess on himself or herself.

The door which was open shut every loudly. I tried to talked but it was useless the only thing that came from my mouth was mumbling. the sounds of foot steps got louder and then came to a stop. Was the person standing in front of me? Or to the side? And if it was the side which one.. Just then something hit me hard against the side of my skull, the loud sound of a thump could be heard.

The side of my head was hit so hard that, the chair i was sitting on tilted and fell over onto its side, the pain so was inteance i couldn't think. i felt the slight trickle roll down the side of my head and i knew it had to of been blood. As i began to grunt and plead the rather large man then began to kick my sides. I was defenseless i couldn't do anything to stop him.

As the beating continued all i could was cry. Of course my crys could not be heard. With the final kick that was sent it hit the lower rib section causing one to fracture. Rather or not with tape over my face i screamed in sheer pain, it felt like my entire body was on fire. My breathing began to slow as it was harder and harder to breath.. "Why god why" i thought to myself.

As i laid on my side, the sound of heavy breathing was more intense. Then the man spoke and when he did i tried to remember the sounds " Next time you'll think twice when trying to escape." Confused i had no idea what he was talking about, i haven't even tried to leave from the spot i was at. With that the sound of shuffling began and the door opened once again only to shut moments later.

As i slayed there on the cold concert floor the smell of something dead was strong in the air. It made my nose twinge almost making me vomit, but i knew if i did so i would die, so i layed there. As i closed my eyes i tried to slow my breathing with doing so i feel asleep on the cold concert floor.

I awoke with a start as a felt a big hand take a hold of my shoulder and grab a hold of the chair that i sat in. with a single thumb i was now in the same position i was in a few hours ago before i had gotten my ass beat. The rough hands hand come to reach around the front of my neck and took a hold of the fabric like cloth bag that was at the moment covering my face. the man cut free the wire that was placed around my neck and lifted the bag free.
As soon as this was done my eyes came to shut as the bright light shinned into the room. The change in lighting was too much for my eyes too take. After a few minutes of opening and shutting my eyes they became to adjust to the lighting in the area, within those few seconds i took the time to look around the room.

Inside the room to the left hand side stood one generator that looked about twenty years in age, about a few feet away from that was a sink that was rusted with age and looked like it wouldn't even work if you tried to turn the handles. even futher away from that was a table with knifes, scalpels and a few other tools that i didnt want to no what there uses where for.

My time to scan the area came to a stop as a big bulky man stood in my view. He stood at about five ten and weighing in at about two hundred and eighty pounds. He wore simple clothing, A white tea shirt with a pair of faded black pants that may not of been washed in a few weeks. He had a full head of brown hair his eyes where blue, but his skin tone was not the greatest. Looked as tho this fellow has had a rough life time.

As he looked down at me he reached out with his fat fingers and tore the tape away from my mouth with a one single movement. I let out a scream of pain as the tape was removed from my face. As i tried to calm down the man spoke. "Do you have any idea where your at Mikey?" I didn't no what too say. If i talked would he hit me again? Or use one of his tools on me? Before i could speak he raised his hand and came down hard upon the left side of my cheek causing my head to turn due to the impact.

As my head hung low blood began to pour out as one of my back teeth rolled out of my mouth the man spoke again " Please Mikey don't make me wait for a answer i am what you call a short el tempt person." Bringing my head back to its up right position i looked the man dead in the eyes. Out of sheer anger i let in a deep breath allowing the blood to form in my mouth and blew out as hard as i could allowing the spit to fly into the air and smack the man right in the face.

As he pulled out a nice red bandana free from his back pocket he began to clean his face removing the spit and blood from his face. When he smiled it exposed his teeth, Most of which where missing and others rooting out. I knew what i did was asking for trouble but this son of a bitch had it coming.

As i watched the heavy man turn around he headed to the table where all the tools where at. His fat chubby hands came to glide over the scalpel, and he kept making this annoying humming sound. Then his hand moved over a hammer and that was when he picked it up twisting it around in the palm of his hands, the smile on his face was even wider.

I wasn't sure what his plans where with the hammer but i had an idea it wasnt good. He walked over too the other side of the sink and picked up a handfull of nails. As he giant form came to turn around and look at me the smile that he once had on his face was gone. The look in his eyes was of pure disgust.
After a few minutes of him walking back and forth in the room he made his way back to where i sat, with a hammer in one hand and nails in the other. Once he placed the hammer and nails onto a table to the left side of me he reached into his front pocket and pulled free a rather large cigar.

He licked his lips tell they where soaking wet with spit and placed the end of the cigar into his mouth and pulled free a cigar cutter, simply placing the nice sharp edge to the end of the cigar he cut it free allowing the small circular piece of the cigar to pumple to the ground. As he lite the cigar be took a few puffs and exhaled.
The smoke seemed to linger in the air as his eyes where locked onto mine. Finally he spoke as he lifted his hands parting his index and mid finger sliding them between the cigar. He took a long puff and exhaled causing a big thick cloud of smoke to cover my face. coughing heavily, my eyes began to water as the smoke entered my lungs.

To be continued.

11-07-2011, 03:05 AM
I would however like some comments on what you all think. regardless of the spelling errors like i said havent gotin to go threw it yet but yea let me no what you think

11-07-2011, 09:16 AM
It's a decent start.
Positive first: There is a bunch of really good detail in here that helps one imagine whats going on.
Negative second: You can't write this thing like your writing an English term paper. Go through and check out The Mafia Chronicles on the blog on that stuff about the bear jew. It's overly energetic and mildly annoying in a way but it helps with the read.

11-07-2011, 11:40 PM
lol all right ill check it out

11-08-2011, 02:56 AM
that was a decent read, enjoyable, i look forward to the rest of it...

11-08-2011, 04:37 AM
I am working on the second part at the moment... taking some time due too work

11-08-2011, 05:28 AM
okay bro, message me on the game when its done

11-08-2011, 07:54 AM
Fuck this shit

11-08-2011, 03:44 PM
I am working on the second part at the moment... taking some time due too work

I think we can safely say that "work" does not involve writing crime novels, but what worries me is that you are old enough to work and are bothering to write this drivel.

Good lord man, go out and get laid!

11-08-2011, 09:33 PM
Lmao fuckin shit

11-08-2011, 11:35 PM
I think we can safely say that "work" does not involve writing crime novels, but what worries me is that you are old enough to work and are bothering to write this drivel.

Good lord man, go out and get laid!

Its a good thing i dont really care what you think.
but on another note. what bothers me is the fact that you can sit here and read the whole thing but yet sit there and call it shit.
Must not of been to bad for you're ass to sit and read

11-09-2011, 12:25 AM
Its a good thing i dont really care what you think.
but on another note. what bothers me is the fact that you can sit here and read the whole thing but yet sit there and call it shit.
Must not of been to bad for you're ass to sit and read

I will let you into a little secret, I did not get past the first couple of lines before I realised that you were a complete fucking tool. And sheer stupidity is a great defence mechanism, it stops you getting emotionally crippled.

11-12-2011, 02:18 AM
So writeing is a waste of time, and you cant paid for it?

Well if thats the case/

there would be no tv. why? because writers write the scrip.
there would be no movies. Why? Because ONCE again writers write the scrip.
oh what about books? raido shows talk shows or anything that revolves around anything
writers get paid too do it. you want a game? oh to fucking bad because writers and game players help with that
so the next time you're dumb ass says something so fucking retarded think about it first you dumb twat