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Your questions about Australia answered

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  • Your questions about Australia answered

    Australian Tourism: questions answered


    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website. Obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.....just trying to help:
    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?
    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.
    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?
    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.
    Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
    skype = tmbtiki

  • #2
    Not all of my questionaire has been answered in here like which part of African continent does Australia belong to? Can i pee on the side of the highway? And some more emmm... took a while to list all of them..

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    • #3
      Hahaha. Let's hear it for humor from down under.

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      • #4
        They didn't answer the most important...What keeps water from falling out of the toilet if Australia is upside down?
        I come in peace. I didnít bring artillery. But Iím pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, Iíll kill you all.

        Gen. Mattis

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        • #5
          Bahahahah Marco!! Thats hilarious, but this was an interesting read though. Thank you Tiki
          LoOtAcЯiS

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          • #6
            Hmmm... I have a question. Do the guy have man buns?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by diego View Post
              Not all of my questionaire has been answered in here like which part of African continent does Australia belong to? Can i pee on the side of the highway? And some more emmm... took a while to list all of them..
              Australia is the south eastern part of Africa. And you can actually pee on the side of the highway as long as your car door is open.
              skype = tmbtiki

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Marco_The_Bull View Post
                They didn't answer the most important...What keeps water from falling out of the toilet if Australia is upside down?
                The worlds best kept secret is that Australia is actually on the top - the early mariners were all reading their maps upside down.
                skype = tmbtiki

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Stinger View Post
                  Hmmm... I have a question. Do the guy have man buns?
                  Australia has the best man buns in the world - both front and back!
                  skype = tmbtiki

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                  • #10
                    What happened to Australia? Where's New Holland?
                    Shine Bright!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Marco_The_Bull View Post
                      They didn't answer the most important...What keeps water from falling out of the toilet if Australia is upside down?
                      Gravity and your mother

                      Game Admin

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Storm View Post

                        Gravity and your mother
                        science!
                        I come in peace. I didnít bring artillery. But Iím pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, Iíll kill you all.

                        Gen. Mattis

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Marco_The_Bull View Post

                          science!
                          In your Mom's case, it's just massive. No science, just way too much space.
                          Game Admin

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                          • #14
                            Probably Australia could fit down under.
                            Game Admin

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Storm View Post

                              In your Mom's case, it's just massive. No science, just way too much space.
                              If she had any feelings, this would probably hurt one of them.
                              I come in peace. I didnít bring artillery. But Iím pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, Iíll kill you all.

                              Gen. Mattis

                              Comment

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